Guaranteed results- How to make loving consequences work every time effortlessly!

And make parenting
less stressful!
By Karen Braveheart

Justin playing with his Pokémon cards

Sometimes your child doesn’t honor a love boundary. A love boundary is a limit you place on another person telling them how to treat you.

I’m a big believer in using consequences to discipline my kids and simultaneously build self worth in their brain..

Why? Because it works every single time and makes my life so much easier.

A consequence is another tool in our toolbelt we parents can use to lovingly teach their kids.

My munchkins were 10, 8, and 6 and it was one week before the holidays. Sophia wanted some clothes and Ryan and Justin wanted Pokémon cards.

Ryan and Justin were obsessed with Pokémon cards, and we’d been talking about going to get cards all week.

So, I took them to Target to go shopping for some presents.

With 3 active munchkins, I developed a routine of playing and running them around outside and giving them a snack (never sugar- haha!) before we went somewhere.

Getting their wiggles out usually worked to calm them before heading into a store, but not on this day. 🙃

Now we’re parked and with 3 active munchkins, I developed a habit of setting expectations before entering the store. Goal setting always works well for my busy schedule so we can accomplish our tasks in a timely manner. I run my household like an efficient business. 😉

Things like

We’re here to buy Sophia clothes and Pokémon cards for the boys. We’re heading to the clothes section first and Pokémon cards second

I told Ryan and Justin, who are constantly in wrestle mania mode, haha, to stay near me in the store. I allowed them to play around with each other so long as they were within my sight

No candy or toys today

I asked them if they understood the game plan, and they said yes. So off we headed into Target.

I can recall the moment like it just happened.

I was helping Sophia for a few minutes when I didn’t hear her brothers anymore. They were just playing with each other nearby when they went off grid.

I had no idea where they went so I told Sophia to stay where she was so I could look for them. That was the 1st infraction!

Now I’m sweating. Stressful!?!?

Then it happened. I heard Justin screaming somewhere in the girls clothing section telling Ryan to stop. The next thing I saw was Ryan pulling Justin by his right foot across the entire girls clothing section and back again. Justin had no shoes on.

Infraction no. 2!

I ran over and told them to stop. And they didn’t. It was your worst parent nightmare happening in Target. I don’t get embarrassed and don’t care what others think of me, but their behavior was not appropriate at all. Playground yes- home, yes with limits, but here NO!

I quickly told Sophia to finish her shopping as I went to do damage control with her brothers.

They didn’t stop. They thought it was really funny!

So, I told them that Pokemon cards were not happening that day- literally a week before Christmas and we’d come back in a week, the day before Xmas.

That was the consequence for not honoring and respecting the expectations we set in the car.

I felt so bad telling them this. I was rooting for them to get their Pokémon cards which they loved so much. They could play and trade with each other and Sophia and their friends for hours.

But it wasn’t happening today. They left the store very upset. That’s an understatement.

They said the best card sets would be taken the day before Xmas, but I said let’s keep an open mind and let’s see. (I wanted them to be so happy with their sets and hoped it worked out for them!)

I made sure that Sophia didn’t feel rushed in getting her outfits together because that wouldn’t have been fair to her.

📸: Compliments of Target website

When we went back a week later- both Ryan and Justin stayed within a foot of me, each on one side of me, for the entire hour we were there.

I didn’t tell them to do this. They chose to do it on their own.

They enjoyed looking at and evaluating which Pokémon card sets to get. It was so fun! And stress-free for me.

From that day forward whenever we went into a store, they stayed near me.

They got the message loud and clear from the consequence.

I was so happy that Target had restocked their Pokémon card sets that morning and there was a larger election to choose from.

Ryan and Justin selected their gift sets, and they played for hours when we got home.

My definition of a consequence is "something that happens as a result of an action or inaction."

The dictionary doesn’t include inactions, but that’s equally as important when disciplining your kids.

The inactions part of the definition is more geared for older kids starting around age 11, sometime in 4th grade when they start developing logic and problem solving skills.

They start to understand that if they don’t get something done by a certain time, (inaction), like their chores need to be done by 8pm, there will be a consequence.

Note: All kids are beautiful and all kids develop in their own time. The age 11 and 4th grade market I mentioned is merely a guide.

You’ll know when they start developing more logical skills when they start analyzing and being more aware of things.

Consequences work!

Every single time!

Consequences make parenting easier because you don’t have to keep repeating yourself with your kids.

You’re teaching them in a loving way.

I’m finding that I have to set consequences more for my munchkins during their teen years. It’s critical to continue supporting your teens during this rapid stage of brain development and continue to build their self worth aka self love.

Here are 3 examples of consequences I set for my kids at different brain developmental stages

Toddler (2 years old)- if you throw your food you are responsible for cleaning it up. (At two, you have to show them how to clean up and supervise but let them do the work) Your kid will realize how much work goes into cleaning and they’ll stop throwing food!

Teen (16 years old) has a curfew during school nights at 10pm. Sophia’s friends have an 11pm curfew weeknights. One night, she didn’t show up at 10pm. It’s now 10:05pm so I got into my car in the pouring rain and picked her up from Denny’s. She and her friends had just ordered food. Hey mom- why are you here. Sophia you have 30 seconds to pack up your food and meet me in the car. I love you. I said hi to her friends. Guess what? She’s been home by 10pm ever since. I’ll never forget the look at their faces when I showed up!

Tween (12 years old)- Ryan was acting sassy to me . I set a love boundary and told him to be more respectful. I also told him that what he was saying to me hurt my feelings. He didn’t stop. So I stopped answering him whenever he had a question or needed something. He very quickly realized that that it didn’t feel good to him and became more empathic to me. He became more respectful of my feelings. He also learned communication skills in healthy relationships

Three steps to create consequences that work

The most important thing about consequences is that they must be related to the behavior so that your kid can then internalize and understand their choice. It’s teaching them cause/effect. So, for example if you kid didn’t do their chores by 8pm, don’t take away their favorite snack. Instead, I give them an extra chore for the time I had to spend telling them they didn’t do it by 8pm

It’s also important that the consequence be fair. So using the previous example, I wouldn’t take away my kids cell phone if they didn’t do their chores by 8pm. I would take away their cell phone for a short time if they were looking at it instead of me when I’m talking to them

You must follow through with the consequence every time. So like in the Target example, my boys learned mom is serious. If you mess around we leave the store. They respond to the consequence and can then make their own choice. It is their decision whether we leave the store again or they stay near me. I always hold the line. Always. My kids know that